January 08, 2005
WWMD?*
Evidence that Karl Rove is far cleverer than his opponents thought?
(*What would Machiavelli Do?)
November 19, 2004
T-Day Tchotchkes
Our friends at TNR have the perfect Holiday gift for your despondent Democrat relatives and friends.
Rumor was that a well-known Leftie cybermagazine, that shall remain nameless, planned a John Kerry action figure as well...but the project was shelved after they couldn't decide what action Kerry would take. [rim shot]
October 03, 2004
October 02, 2004
September 25, 2004
You're So Vain
Here's another example of the deepening rift between Europe and the US from the WSJ.
NEW YORK -- Underneath the gleaming countertops at Tiffany & Co.'s flagship store, classic gold watches feature "IIII" as their fourth digit. John Loring, Tiffany's design director, says he wouldn't have it any other way."You cannot possibly balance the weight of the VIII on the left by putting an IV on the right," he says. "It unbalances the whole thing."
But now IV watches are sold at Tiffany, too, including models made by the tony Swiss watchmaker Patek Philippe, of Geneva. The company has started using IV because that allows more features to fit on a dial.
The success of several new IV watches sold by Gucci Group's Bedat & Co., another Swiss watchmaker, is similarly challenging a central tenet of watchmaking that IIII goes better with VIII than IV does.
The new styles associated with European luxury and sophistication have sparked an outcry among purists who maintain that IIII is the proper way to represent 4 o'clock. "We clock people maintain that the Romans marked their fours that way, so that's why we do it," says John Metcalfe, former curator of the National Association of Watch & Clock Collectors' museum in Columbia, Pa.
Historians agree. "IIII is probably the more normal ancient usage," says James J. O'Donnell, professor of classics and provost of Georgetown University in Washington. Though the ancient Romans sometimes used IV to save space, he says, the shorthand didn't catch on until after the Middle Ages when people began using Roman numerals as decorations and IV started appearing in textbooks. Some horologists -- experts on timepieces -- theorize that the Romans used IV as an abbreviation of the name Jove or Jupiter and therefore wouldn't have wanted the name of a god to appear as a number.
Those in the IV league say it's time for a change. "It's unique and different from the industry," says Christian Bédat, who founded Bedat with his mother, Simone Bédat, in 1996.
The clash over the fourth digit deepens a rift between European and American watchmakers. While the Europeans traditionally have emphasized handcrafting and limited collectors' items, Americans have focused on simpler watches that are easier to produce. Four I's was seen as the plainest way to represent 4.
"The American time industry was built on mass production," says Daryn Schnipper, director of Sotheby's Watches and Clocks department. "There were production contests over how many could you make in a day."
We clock people? BUWHAHAHAHA!
However This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no fooling around
Half a dozen Web sites have sprung up in defense of the IIII method. The National Association of Watch & Clock Collectors maintains a file on the subject.
Well. Files are kept, names taken.
No matter where you come down on the issue of IV or IIII, this is just wrong:
Bedat dials also stand out because they replace the Roman numeral eight with an Arabic eight, eliminating the need to balance a heavy VIII with a heavy IIII. "On my dial it balances. It's subtle, and lighter than the four bars," says Mr. Bédat of his IV. He says he has never heard a customer comment on the IV -- though many notice the 8.
Tiffany's intrepid Mr. Loring refuses to budge even in the face of damning evidence:
The IV also appears in some unexpected places -- on the clocktower known as Big Ben in London and on a fall 2001, $65 Eddie Bauer watch. Even the 151-year-old Tiffany clock adorning the company's Fifth Avenue store features an IV, despite the more traditional view of Tiffany's Mr. Loring."The basic way of counting is on your hands," he says, "and your hand clearly has four fingers to get to four."
It's nice to know that we in the West have our priorities in order; the proper number 4 on our $45,000 Patek Philippe watches.
(Ed- You checked your watch, didn't you?)
September 20, 2004
CBS Deeply Regrets
CBS regrets Dan Rather is unable to apologize today,
He is sorry to be delayed,
But last week down in Abilene he strayed, Madam,
Dan Rather regrets he is unable to apologize today.
When CBS woke up and found, that their reputation was gone, Madam,
They ran to Mary Mapes who had lead them so far astray,
And with a collective frown,
Lawyers took a vote and shot the memos down, Madam,
Dan Rather regrets he is unable to apologize today.
While bloggers debunked the bogus memos with glee, Madam,
His principals Dan was forced to flee,
And the moment before their story was denied,
CBS lifted up their sorry heads and cried, Madam,
"CBS deeply regrets...Dan Rather is unable to apologize today."
Apologies to Cole Porter.
[ Click to hear Cole Porter's rendition written for actor Monty Woolley's birthday party and first performed on stage in 1934. Original lyrics here. A perennial favorite, "Miss Otis Regrets" has been recorded by such diverse talents as Ella Fitzgerald, Cab Calloway, Jose Feliciano, Brian Ferry and The Pogues.]
September 19, 2004
Shifting Gears
Paul at Sanity's Edge posts:
From our man in Kuwait "Ranger Bob, our correspondent in Kuwait, filed this story in an attempt to cheer me up. And it did."
Me too. However, this one made me laugh out loud.
September 16, 2004
Mo D 'Splains
The Opinion Journal's Best of the Web offers proof of that Dr. Dean's metrosexuals do indeed exist.
Maureen Dowd's Mystery Sex
From a comment by Maureen Dowd in a New York Times online forum on "women, the presidency and the election":
The latest CBS News poll shows that among George W. Bush supporters, 51 percent are men and 48 percent are women--and of John Kerry supporters, 41 percent are men and 43 percent are women. . . . In the last election, out of those who voted for Al Gore, 42 percent were men and 54 percent were women. Of the people who voted for George W. Bush, 53 percent were men and 43 percent were women.
Hmm, let's put this into tabular form:
2004 Bush 2004 Kerry 2000 Bush 2000 Gore Men Women Total
This means that, if Dowd is right, 16% of Kerry supporters are neither men nor women. What are they? Perhaps she'll explain in a future column. But also note that only 1% of Bush's supporters belong to the mysterious third sex, down from 4% in 2000. If there really are voters who belong to neither sex, this could spell trouble for the incumbent.
July 22, 2004
Lost & Found: Cat P*rn
Must. stop. laughing.
Dear Sir/Madam:First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on the acquisition of a Casio Exilim S20 compact digital camera. No doubt it was an exciting find after your fine meal at Houston's on Park, where delicious spinach dip is the signature item.
As you may have noticed, the Casio Exilim is a 2.0 Megapixel beauty with a 4X digital zoom. At under a half-inch thick, it's the perfect camera to put in your pocket and lose while dining out.
No doubt, you're wondering why the memory card contains 17 close-ups of a cat's ass.
(hat tip to BFLer Miller's Time)
July 03, 2004
What Means This?
Lileks discovered something unusual and isn't sure what to make of it...Ahhh...ummm...nope... me neither.
June 30, 2004
In Good Company
Arrgh Matey, this be no surprise:
Based on your answers, you are most likely a neoconservative.
Want the US to be the world's unchallenged superpower
Share unwavering support for Israel
Support American unilateral action
Support preemptive strikes to remove perceived threats to US security
Promote the development of an American empire
Equate American power with the potential for world peace
Seek to democratize the Arab world
Push regime change in states deemed threats to the US or its alliesHistorical neoconservative: President Teddy Roosevelt
Modern neoconservative: President Ronald Reagan
(A hat tip to John at The Pirate's Blog)
May 27, 2004
LMAO
Okay...this is just fucking brilliant.
Like my Grandpa always said, there were no naked human pyramids in Starcraft.There were no whiny anti-war Hollywood types or questionable war motives or granola-munching human shields. I'm starting to think that even Command and Conquer: Generals, a game so "realistic" it took a NASA-built Quantum supercomputer to run it, has left me woefully unprepared to fight an actual war.
Well, below is my open letter to the Real Time Strategy gaming cartel. I want a War Simulation. A real one. I don't want little cartoon tanks jostling around in a video sandbox chewing down each other's health meters while a preteen opponent insults my sexuality using every key on his keyboard except the ones with letters. I want an RTS game that will give me a stress headache after an hour and an ulcer after a week. I want to identify experienced players on the street by their Thousand-Yard Stares.
I want a War Sim...
Read the list of game criteria and weep over your paltry Sim experience.
(A hat tip with clusters to Winds of Change.NET at The Comman Post Op-Ed page.)
May 16, 2004
Too Much Time On His Hands?
Tired of the news Bunky? Well then, Chris at Dangerous Logic has this:
Stupid Website TricksI know that publishing companies host more than one magazine on their web servers, but it's still funny to see evidence of it.
Do this:
- Go to runnersworld.com.
- In the search box on the main page, search for "President Bush" (no quotes). You should get a results page with about 14 links.
- Change 'Match: Any' to 'Match: All' in the search parameters and search again.
- Look at the banner at the top of the (failed) results page.
A mildly amusing coding quirk that I am sure will inspire our hardy Feeper brothers to rustle up a conspiracy of some sort by nightfall, which will be quickly rebutted by BusHitler gardening video at DU.
May 01, 2004
Drive She Said
Unless grave or urgent news emerges the rest of the day will be lighter fare, spleen having been vented.
Let me begin with a tale of two Americans, May Day 1965, Turin Italy.
This is a true story; names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Jack and Ann married in April 1965. Jack was in his late 30’s and his firm was doing very well, he found his soul mate, life was good. Jack had a surprise wedding gift for his pretty new wife, a Mercedes-Benz 300 SE Cabriolet convertible. Their honeymoon plans were for a leisurely drive from London to Venice, stopping where fancy took them. In London he apologized, but they had to divert to Frankfurt to take care of some urgent business, but they would be off to Paris in a few hours.
They arrived at the MB factory delivery shop where Ann was totally bowled over. This car is still a beautiful object of automotive art. The SE Cabriolet was the epitome of luxury at the time and more than a little ostentatious. The honeymooners didn’t care if it screamed “rich Americans”, they were in love and caught up in the moment…off they sped to Paris and beyond.
Jack and Ann arrived in Turin at Noon, the streets seemed very deserted, but that was a godsend for Turin’s maze of streets can be very confusing to navigate. Soon they were hopelessly lost having missed the connection to Milan. They slowly drove down ever narrowing streets into a working class neighborhood. They heard a band playing as they turned into a large plaza with a round-about with a dozen streets shooting off in all directions. The charming plaza was ablaze with beds of red flowers, a small reflecting pool at the center.
Jack pulled over next to the plaza as Ann scanned the map, deciding which street to take as all hell broke loose and tens of thousands of May Day Communist Party marchers arrived in the plaza. They stopped dead in their tracks, quiet for a minute. Then a man with a bullhorn screamed something in Italian, which Jack took to mean “Get them!” as something thrown bounced off the windshield and the crowd surged towards the car.
Jack never hesitated, looking over his shoulder, he threw the Benz in reverse and backed over the plaza, churning up the flowers, through the reflecting pool, making a “bandit” turn on the other side, tires screeching and sped off down a side street with a mob of angry people chasing, throwing debris and shouting.
When they stopped to catch their breath and look at the car many miles away, the Benz had a few minor dings and a clump of bright red tulips caught in the rear bumper. They laughed, hugged and got the hell out of Turin.
We heard this story when we accompanied them on a working vacation along the same route in the late 80’s. As we approached Turin, we toyed with the idea of finding the plaza and having a bite to eat nearby, but we were driving a rental MB and Jack has a very distinctive appearance, only slightly changed as his blond hair turned silver, we decided memories might be long.
I've always wondered what the Italian version of the incident must be, as they watched their plaza churned up by a foreigner in a car that represented the ruling class they so despise.
April 22, 2004
Riddle Me This
Shamelessly stolen from BFLer Michael Williams at Master of None:
Question: How do you tell the difference between liberals, conservatives, and southerners?Try this. Pose the following question: You're walking down a deserted
street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous
looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with
you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying
a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he
reaches you and your family. What do you do?Liberal Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.Conservative Answer:
BANG!Southerner Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"
"nuff said 'bout that too.
April 03, 2004
What time is it when the Indiana capital is noon?
Lair, as usual, has invaluable advice and insight into the nation's semi-annual clock setting ritual.
Those of you in Indiana, Hawaii and Arizona may carry on with newpaper log rolling, tin-can lid coaster-making and tatting doilies from Piggly-Wiggly plastic bags...the rest of us must attend to sorting thread bare-assed underwear and wenching shrieking smoke detectors from the ceiling...and figuring out how the hell to reset our collection of LCD time vampires.
Okay...
I have no idea what is going down with Trombone Guy.
However I'm pretty sure that the girl by the whirlpool, is lookin' for a new fool.
March 16, 2004
Ooookay!
Al Qaeda Opens First Embassy in Madrid.
Just in time for the latest release of their favorite game.
(via Allah Pundit warning:completely tasteless)
Of course if tasteless is your flavor-of-the-day...it doesn't get any better than Joe Cartoon.
Unless it's the perfect donation to Kerry's campaign.
March 13, 2004
National Save Martha Day
Why didn't I think of this? Cloned Martha websites are selling tons of Martha swag.
Fans call for Martha Stewart dayShoppers to descend on Kmarts to buy her lines
Now that she's in big, felonious trouble, they plan to return the favor by observing National Save Martha Day on Saturday.
Rallying the faithful with, ''Forget the sit-in; we're staging a knit-in!'' the New York-based website savemartha.com is urging fans to flock to Kmarts to purchase Martha Stewart Everyday housewares and urge other shoppers to do likewise -- while wearing Save Martha garb conveniently available on the website.
''The ground troops will be invading Kmart!'' declared website host John Small. ``The homeland security alert for Saturday will be the color pink.''
Kmart corporate communications didn't return calls.
But Small's call to arms is getting someone's attention. In recent days, he said, the website has gotten half a million hits and he has received nearly 15,000 e-mails -- enough to crash his server
Meanwhile elsewhere in cyberspace:
- The 7 Woman March On Washington!
- Martha's To-Do List
- "DOING TIME" - Martha's latest Magazine venture.
- Not A Good Thing.
- Viacom Replaces Martha with 'Janet Jackson Living'
Okay, I'm done and so is Martha.
March 09, 2004
This Just In...
Breaking News!
AP- UPI- released two hours ago. Junior Senator Hillary Clinton of New York was flying cross-country last night in her private plane and was forced to make an emergency landing in southern Ohio because of bad weather.
The accident scene pictures, including the wreckage of Hillary's plane are here.
....didit...dah...didit....
DNC Demands Bush Drop 'President' from TV Ads
(2004-03-09) -- After slamming the Bush-Cheney 2004 re-election campaign for its use of 9/11 imagery in campaign ads, the Democrat National Committee (DNC) today again demanded that the ads be pulled... more
March 07, 2004
March 03, 2004
February 27, 2004
"How can you make a revolution without snark?"
While fossicking in the basement among empty vodka bottles, Politboro researchers found remnants of an important work missing since the Bolsheviks sacked the Kremlin.
February 21, 2004
Egg-actly
Ah Hah!
Proof positive that the White House has been infiltrated by agricultural special interests.
Indeed.
Actually the White House website has some pretty cool panoramas and tidbits to while away a slow news/rainy day. [Come on...admit it, you looked up your home state's egg, didn't you?]
February 02, 2004
Makes Sense To Me
"I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl," Timberlake said in a statement.
Wardrobe Malfunction, well mebbe that explains other infamous apparel failures.
According to the Starr Report, the Lewinsky affair started when Monica lifted up the back of her suit jacket in the Oval Office and flashed a teeny triangle at the top of her thong underwear for President Clinton. Since one would expect a well-round gal's skirt to ride up, not down, she obviously had a wardrobe malfunction.
Perhaps this hitherto unreported phenomena also explains Clinton's trousers falling down in the suite of The Excelsior Hotel.
BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
BOOBIE UPDATE: Okay... Dean has jumped the Jackson shark.
January 29, 2004
Go Ask Alice
I was working up a humor link fest but logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead; and the white knight is talking backwards; Think I'll pop a couple of Damnitol and fuggetaboutit.
January 17, 2004
Gee Dub's New Image
Phill of The Enigmatic Musings of a Cynical Mind asks:
"...is he off da hizzle or what?"
Hat tip to Juliette for the link and beverage warning.
January 12, 2004
Heh
Even sophiscated Mac users have user issues it seems. Though this may invite the wrath of the Smug Faithful and summon Demons From Wintel Hell, I am weak and can't help but enjoy Lileks' latest quest for peripheral Valhalla.
BTW- I like the new layout ...but the large graphic headers and related type stylings are as much a part of the "Lileks Experience" as the writing and photos. It doesn't seem like The Bleat without them...but then WTF do I know?
January 09, 2004
Day In Pictures
Who says Bush isn't a brainiac?
The SF Chronicle's Day In Pictures gallery; 2003:A Year In Pictures is worth a look.
December 17, 2003
Return Of The Weasel
Friedman gets big bucks to write this shuck and jive?
I too believe the French president, Jacques Chirac, knows something in his heart: that France was illegally suppying Saddam with weapons and expertise. Did Friedman really expect the French to eschew profit for principals? Of course not, today's column leaves this reader bemused by it's clumsy, ass-covering transparency. The qualifying "failure" meme is predictable. Saddam's capture leaves the media and liberal Illuminati no choice but to climb down from their open worship of the Sun King Redux.
November 08, 2003
Say what?
I haven’t written about our young Springer Spaniel Harley for a while…he’s a year old now and a typical teen-dog…bursting with energy and exuberance.
Recently Harley and I drove to the airport to pick up the Spousal Unit (SU). Harley rides in the back of the SUV in the cargo area. We use a special harness and a double tie down...so he can move around, lie down and hang over the back seat enough to snuffle the air through a barely opened side window...but he can't get into the seat and is reasonably secure if we have a crash. [I know, we should use a kennel carrier and we have one, but he gets terribly car sick in it and makes everyone miserable, so we trade off a little safety for quality of life.]
We drove around the "back-to-the-terminal" loop for fifteen minutes. Each pass of the terminal produced a range of doggie emotions from anticipation to disappointment accompanied with a big sigh. On the final pass Harley spotted a familiar shape and there was great doggie joy, wriggling, leaping, spinning and yelping as the SU opened the back hatch and placed his carry-on inside. Harley was patted, hugged and settled down enough for us to depart for home with Harley hanging over the back seat...straining against the tether... bummed out that he can't get to the front of the car.
About ten minutes into the drive, the SU and I are talking about his trip when a husky bass voice from the back seat interrupts:
"HEY!"
We both paused and thought about it for many long seconds...exchanging looks.
Me: "Did the dog just say "Hey?"
SU: "Yes, he I believe did."
I turned to look at Harley and he had this goofy "made you look!" expression on his face. We laughed as Harley grinned from his perch in the back...pleased that he had our attention.
The rational explanation is that it was a combination of his rolled leather collar pushing on the the back of the seat against his voice box and over-excitement...that it was a reflexive sound...or the damn dog can talk.
October 01, 2003
Tingly All Over
A three part story without a conclusion...but then what would be the point in that?
Huh? I hear you ask? Nevermind.
Go. Laugh. Identify.
March 04, 2003
The horror of it all!
Sagging lesbian Actors warned against wearing blackface!!
Wut? :::::wiping glasses::::::
Oh. well.
Thanks to Emperor Misha's rightous indignation over such asstwittery, I need add nothing more.
February 16, 2003
Where Have All the Liberals Gone?
Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the liberals gone?
The voters rejected them every one.
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Where have all their ideals gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all their ideals gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all their ideals gone?
They've abandoned them, every one.
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Where have all the young black men gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the young black men gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the young black men gone?
Fallen into despair.
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Oh, when will you ever learn?
Where have all the generals gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the generals gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the generals gone?
They've become politicians, every one.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the social programs gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the social programs gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the social programs gone?
They're bloated and broken, every one.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time passing.
Where have all the liberals gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all the liberals gone?
The voters rejected them, every one.
Oh, when will they ever learn?
Oh, when will they ever learn?