World Dairy Industry In Turmoil!!

'Cloned cows 'can make own cheese'

Hamilton, New Zealand: January 27, 2003: Scientists in New Zealand have cloned a herd of cows with prehensile thumbs designed to enable dairy cows to operate milking and cheese making equipment.

The news was poorly received in France. French cheese industry spokesperson Leon Topithecue claimed "Zee cheeze will not be allowed into France unteel suche tiame as zit es sanctioned by zee EU and appropriatee rules drawn to govern qualitee and productione." French farmers threaten to riot in the streets of Paris if a total ban on New Zealand cheese is not enacted immediately. Hoping to avoid a cheese war, EU inspectors have been dispatched to Hamilton to observe and catalog production methods.

EU Chief Farm Inspector Zander Foote was grim faced as he expressed his concern over "Kiwi cowboys" in the New Zealand and Australian dairy industry controlling world dairy prices. That a strict inspection regime may be the only way to avoid a cheese crisis. “Let’s give inspections a try before we speak of more serious measures” Foote said as he boarded a flight to Auckland.

Dairy farmer Norm Pettigrew owner of the farm where the experiment took place could not be reached for comment. However, his wife Pauline was seen moving an industrial grade blender to the milk shed under the cover of night. There is much speculation that smoothies may also be a by-product of the experiment as Kiwifruit genes were rumored to have been spliced into the bovine embryos.

Unionists entered into 'constructive talks' with the herd leadership. Jerrold Wanker, farm labor steward for the Hamilton area remarked, "The Local steering committee is currently drafting new rules to cover worker amenities such as barn safety, bag balm and sweet hay. We expect a vote on the contract next week."

Decreasing the labor required could produce big savings for cheese makers, however basic sanitary conditions governing food production may be endangered for the sake of corporate profits, scientists agree.

The American Dairy Board declined interviews pending the outcome of research into the ability of genetically altered, cloned cows to produce individually wrapped cheese slices.

Posted by feste at January 28, 2003 02:46 PM